Florida's oranges can't beat Maine's seafood, poutine

The spread at Susan's Fish & Chips in Portland. From left, the pint of scallops, pint of clams, pint of calamari, fries and lobster roll. I almost puked - but not because it was bad.

I've decided that the only way to describe my attitude toward Florida is a love-hate relationship.

I love its natural beauty - the sunsets and sunrises, when I'm not sleeping or working through them. And for the most part, I love the weather - the warmth, sunshine and lightning.

I hate how everything but Walmart shuts down at 8 p.m. I hate the climate's lack of seasons. I hate the sprawling style of urban growth. I'm actually watching the Travel Channel's Samantha Brown as I write this post: She's talking about the "Southern charm" of Winter Park, just outside Orlando. So, I hate its phoniness.

But the most unforgivable of Florida's misgivings is its subpar seafood. I'm sorry to say that warm-water fish just doesn't cut it with me. Fish spoils in the warmth, so I guess that explains why Maine's cold-water varieties are so much tastier and meatier.


Calamari, clams, scallops

The first thing I had to do during my Maine vacation was grab some fried seafood in some hole-in-the-wall joint.

So a friend and I went to Susan's Fish & Chips in Portland, where they had most everything on the menu - calamari, scallops, clams. I had to have it all, so I did - a pint of each, with some fries on the side. My friend, Molly, got the lobster roll, too, but my lobster meal was coming later, so I decided to steal just a few chucks of meat from her roll.

The calamari was great, but I wouldn't say Maine is known too widely for its squid. Where the state shines is in its clams and scallops. Having once hated scallops, I tasted the best ever at Susan's and had a bottomless lemonade to wash it all down.

But the highlight were the clams. I have never tasted better clams anywhere outside of Maine, and these were some of the best I've ever had. The most unique aspect of the clam experience is the bit of dirt that comes with each deep-fried bite. It's hardiness at its best.

I left Susan's full and happy, especially considering I had even more seafood to eat.

Red means he's dead, and he's got a potato behind him, which indicates an even greater state of deadness.

Lobstah

Having gone through the start of lobster season in Florida before leaving for vacation, I was getting increasingly hungry for a taste of real, Maine lobster.

Florida's species, the spiny lobster, lacks one of the largest sources of meat in the Maine variety: the claws.

I never had the inclination to pay the $13 a pound for one of the Maine lobsters I see crawling around in a tank at the local Walmart Supercenter in Melbourne. So when I left for Maine and heard that lobster prices were down in New England, it was music to my ears. Juicy lobster meat dripping with butter was surely in my future.

But in the Maine supermarkets, it was still $10 a pound. Cheap? I think not.

Of course, you can easily pay 10 bucks for a 16-ounce steak, but with lobster, most of the weight you're paying for is the crustacean's inedible shell. It was going to take a better deal to get me to bite.

And that came with a trip to the Down East coast. I ran into a seafood market that was basically set up in someone's garage. The freezer was full of haddock, cod and salmon. And there was a large tank swimming with lobsters - with claws, of course. And at $6.50 a pound, I couldn't go wrong. "They're right off the boat this morning," the salesman, who wore rubber overalls, said. I got a 1 1/2-pounder for myself and another for the pops, who always had eaten one for his birthday, but skipped it this year because of the inflated price earlier in the season.

Unfortunately, the lobsters were a bit out of season. They were technically soft-shell lobsters, though they were quite hard. The most noticeable difference, however, is in the amount of meat: The claws weren't as filled as they could have been.

Either way, I got more succulent claw meat than any spiny lobster would ever have.

My cell phone camera doesn't do this mound of poutine any justice.

Poutine: a tradition of the Quebecois

This is probably the thing I miss the most as a Florida resident: poutine, a plate piled with hot french fries, gravy and cheese curd that is popular among French Canadians.

The dish is a favorite in Quebec, the Maritime Provinces of Canada and, of course, Maine, which is largely influenced by its neighboring provinces, Quebec and New Brunswick.

It's odd, though, that this isn't incredibly popular elsewhere because, well, it just makes sense. What goes better with potatoes than gravy? What goes better with fries than cheese? Putting them together is a no-brainer.

My parents and I took my grandparents out to eat to celebrate their 60th anniversary. Everyone else ordered the fish and chips, but I had a plate of poutine as my main course. The fries and beef gravy were smothered with mozzarella instead of cheese curd, but it was good nonetheless.

Now that I'm back into my no-poutine routine here in Florida, it's flakes for breakfast and a TV dinner for supper. I miss vacation.

Don't hate me, Floridians: I still want a hurricane

This is the closest I could get to the large waves being kicked up by Tropical Storm Hanna. I was only up to my knees when I took this.

With Tropical Storm Hanna approaching and creating violent rip currents and surf, the Air Force has closed access to its beaches in Brevard County, which creates a dilemma for me. I have been addicted to going for a swim after taking an early afternoon run. But with the closest beach at Patrick Air Force Base closed, I won't be doing that today.

I did go yesterday, however, and I tried an experiment with the camera. It failed miserably, though.

I ventured into the water with the camera in hand. I didn't strap it to my neck; in case I fell in, I would be able to hold the camera above the water.

I waded in slowly, and the water was only halfway up my shins when a surge came in and I was suddenly up to my chest in sandy ocean water. I planted my feet as firmly as possible into the sand to fight the rip currents from pulling me and my camera down. Fortunately, I won that battle.

The waves are large, and I thought a close-up photo of a crest would be cool. But as I found out, it's also impossible without a waterproof camera.

The beating my camera takes with the salty mist at the beach is enough. I quit while I was ahead and while my camera was still dry.

I am, however, investing in some rain-proof sleeves for my camera. That way, I'll be able to take photos during the next hurricane.

Hanna will probably affect Brevard, the town in North Carolina, more than Brevard, the county in Florida. But there are two more storms on its trail.

It won't be cool if Hurricane Ike hits as a Category 4, but if weaker, it might be a fun time. Its track is uncertain: It could head toward South Florida or scurry up the East Coast like Hanna is doing. My fingers are crossed.

Video | Nibbler is halfway through guard dog boot camp

Nibbler is no longer in my possession, but I shot one last video of her before she had to go. It's basically to show that she's a good, well-trained guard dog and not the poorly behaving one I described in the earlier libelous post.

Hanna Hanna bo banna: Hurricane's waves are building

A lone surfer tries to catch one of the waves that are really being kicked up by Hurricane Hanna.

The tropics are really heating up now, as you can tell from the satellite image to the left.

Both Hanna and Ike seem to be on similar paths that would take them just off Florida's east coast.

We may get clipped by something here in Brevard County, but it looks like I'll have to wait a little longer to get my hurricane.

Meanwhile, people keep calling me crazy that I actually want to see one.

Video | In Maine (not really): 'The Sunset Polka'

My Canon HV-30 in action.

I've combined the footage of the final sunset of my Maine vacation with some crazy polka music. Again, this is 61 minutes of video compressed to about 41 seconds. The video camera doesn't pick up nearly the same amount of colors as the still camera, as you can probably tell.

The video is kind of boring at first, but it picks up at the end when some clouds move in, adding some color.