Video | Nibbler is halfway through guard dog boot camp

Nibbler is no longer in my possession, but I shot one last video of her before she had to go. It's basically to show that she's a good, well-trained guard dog and not the poorly behaving one I described in the earlier libelous post.

Nibbler the guard dog shows modeling potential

The "look up at your master, bitch" pose. You can see the reflection of the photographer in her eyes.

I'm now alone in a three-bedroom house, without the roommate, who moved, to protect the place when I'm at work or at Wal-Mart.

That old roommate is still my landlord, but I'm his puppy sitter. Nibbler the guard dog has returned, and her timing is perfect. Her presence has been calming as I'm trying to cope with the spooks that come with being the sole occupant of a house that's much too big for me.

But I must say, Nibbles - as I sometimes refer to her affectionately - was a real bitch at one time. I hate to use such language, but you'll have to read this before judging me for potty-mouthing the puppy.

The other night, I was readying myself for sleepytime - scrubbing the teeth and armpits, etc., etc. - and Nibbler's in the kitchen whining that there's no Purina Beneful in her bowl. She had already eaten three times that day, and I didn't want to feed her again before bed: I was afraid of the surprise she would drop for me in the morning. So I told her, "No, Nibbler, no late-night snack."

During my pre-bedtime primping session, I heard the clank, clank of the dog's tag hitting the bowl. Pretending she's eating from it and making noise in doing so is her way of telling me to fill it.

When I was done with my hygienic upkeep, I sat down for one final (about the 100th total) e-mail check for the day. In through the doorway walks none other than THE guard dog, Nibbler the guard dog. She walks to my feet, squats and pees.

"Noooooooooooo. Bad. Bad. Bad, Nibbler."

I picked her up, and outside she went. I didn't give her a backyard beating like many people do in the South, but I scolded her harshly for her urinating act. I know she did it just to spite me.

Ya see now? Bitch.

But she's cute, so it's difficult to hold a grudge for long.

The nature of our more recent backyard romp was different: It was a photo shoot.

There are a variety of shots here that show off my surrogate baby's beauty. I tried hard to get a shot of her standing to grab a treat. I got a few, but they weren't what I was looking for. After she realized that I didn't have a treat in my hand when I told her to stand, she stopped doing it, killing any chance of me getting the photo.

But these are the shots I did get. I hope you agree that if the guard dog thing doesn't work out, Nibbler has a future in modeling - if she's a good girl.

In the words of Austin Powers, "Oh, behave!"

The "I'm such a Playboy Bunny because of the ears" pose.

The ambidextrous "oh, I didn't know you were there" and "by the way, you've got to mow your lawn" pose.

The "look at the texture on my nose" pose.

The "man, I'm tired of this photo shoot" pose.

The "whoa, I'm dizzy" pose.

The "primp and proper puppy" pose.






























The "scared of those storm clouds" pose.






























The "I want that treat, I want that treat, I want that treat, what? no treat?" pose.

The "grass on the tongue, grass on the tongue, grass on the tongue, what grass on the tongue?" pose.

Video | Shot with a Canon: Dog guards house against ice cube

It's time for the much-awaited announcement of my new video camera.

Actually, this is so delayed that the camera isn't really new anymore. I got it more than two months ago.

After thoroughly researching the video camera market, I chose the Canon VIXIA HV30, whose predecessor, the HV20, has accumulated a cult following on the Internet. By browsing HV20.com, a user message board, I realized that the camera made most everyone who had it very happy. Thanks to that Web site, I didn't feel totally lost in this media venture.

Now, a bit about the equipment.

The HV30 is a top-of-the-line consumer model. It's capable of 1080i high-definition video, producing rich colors, vivid detail and great motion. The 1080i part means that the picture has four times the number of pixels than in standard-definition.

I've been shooting in HD since I got the toy, just because it's new to me. But really, that's not necessary for most of the videos I post to the Web because sites such as YouTube and Viddler won't support such high-quality films. They must be compressed to no more than 500 megabytes for Viddler and 100 megabytes for YouTube. I upload videos to both, but I embed the Viddler version on The Offlede because of its superior quality.

My first big experiment with the camera comes in the form of - what else? - Nibbler the guard dog.

I discovered after shooting most of the video with the external microphone - a 16-bit Rode VideoMic that I bought separately (it almost dwarfs the actual camera, left) - that the sound needed to be kicked down a notch. Many of the peaks and pops are beyond the range of digital sound, making for a crackling noise at those heights. After consulting the handy-dandy user manual, I learned how to attenuate that noise and prevent distortion.

I did something in this video, "Nibbler: The Guard Dog," that I probably will never do again: I used music. I did it mainly to learn how to handle it during the post-production process. And the actual score, by the way, was provided by Kevin MacLeod at Incompetech.com. He allows the royalty-free usage of his work as long as it's credited. After listening to a few songs on the site, I realized that FLORIDA TODAY also uses his creations. But music doesn't go well with journalism, so I probably won't use it often - though I don't plan to do much real journalism.

As a pup, Nibbler isn't exactly a poser. She was quite antsy when I tried to get the crucial shot of her name tag. And using a tripod isn't ideal when your subject is always running, jumping and crawling out of the frame. The video shows that Nibbler is doing an excellent job protecting roommate Mark's house from tennis balls, pig ears, ice cubes, rope, insects and even her own leash.

I bought the Canon online through Meijer, a superstore chain in the Upper Midwest. I had never heard of the company before being referred by HV20.com contributors to a special deal it was offering. The sale, combined with a 10 percent discount for registering for Meijer's Web site and its spam, put the camera into my hands for $330 less than the suggested retail price. I used the saved funds for the $150 microphone.

The VideoMic - probably the best shotgun mike of the less-expensive sect - came from the always-dependable B&H Photo Video in New York. Probably the biggest thing I miss about living in Long Island is its abundance of photo superstores and international camera companies, such as Nikon, that base their U.S. operations in the area.

I shelled out $670 for the camera itself, bringing the grand total to $820. I promised myself that it would be my last large purchase in quite some time.

I just bought a cup of coffee to allow me to write this post. Yeah, it's Starbucks, but it was only $2. So ... so far, so good.

Dog, drafted to guard house, turns into a punk

Nibbler even wears huge bling while riding her skateboard.

Nibbler the guard dog has switched to the dark side.

Instead acting as a sentinel to protect my roommate's house and all of our belongings, she has turned into a punk like the person who stole Mark's wallet.

For no reason and without any prodding through the offering of a treat, Nibbler loves to jump onto the skateboard that's sitting in the dining room. She rides the board onto the table and jumps off, making an annoying thud on the floor when she lands. She does that over and over.

The skateboard belongs to my roommate, but he's looking to sell it on eBay. So unless Nibbler comes up with the cash, her toy will be gone soon.

Then, I'll worry about her next vice. I just hope it's not marijuana.

Living with crime: His wallet stolen, roommate gets guard dog

Nibbler, a 3-month-old Pembroke Welsh corgi, undergoes guard-dog boot camp in the living room with drill sergeant Mark, my roommate. Nibbler already has distinguished herself as having what it takes to PROTECT THIS HOUSE. Grrr. Get that rope.

This is her tactic: She poses, then ... ATTACKS!

As I blogged about a few weeks ago, my roommate was the victim of a rash of car burglaries in the area of Wickham Park in Melbourne (rash = 12 burglaries, approximately). His black leather wallet was stolen from his Dodge.

I was shaken. I have a Nautica black leather trifold, and if it were to be stolen, I would totally flip.

My roommate, however, handled his misfortune with grace: He ordered new credit cards and IDs without grumbling.

But, in the wake of the crime, I think he has come to his senses and is taking matters into his own hands to prevent this from happening again. And if the perps do try it again, they will be mauled.

Yes. My roommate has purchased a guard dog.

She's a mean, less-than-10-pound Pembroke Welsh corgi. She's 3 months old. And the people yesterday at Petland in Viera told my roommate, Mark, that the dog would grow to be a fierce 25 pounds.

And if that doesn't scare you, her name definitely will. It's Nibbler. My roommate chose the name in honor of Lord Nibbler of Comedy Central's animated series "Futurama." Wikipedia, the most reliable source on the Internet, says Lord Nibbler "masquerades as an innocent, cute and unintelligent pet. In very rare circumstances he may break his undercover identity and suddenly be discovered to be super intelligent, equipped with unique technology and strange natural abilities, which he uses as part of his secret mission to guard the existence of the entire universe."

How perfect is the name Nibbler?

When you look at her, she's a cute dog you'd like to pick up, put on your lap and pet while you're reading a Judy Blume novel on a rainy summer Saturday.

But get her mad, and Nibbler acts like a creature straight out of Stephen King's "The Langoliers." She'll nibble at your ankles and nibble at your toes, and then she'll rip your socks off.

The breed, Pembroke Welsh corgi, is known as the perfect herding varietal. The corgis may be little (the smallest of the herding group), but they pack a punch when they nip at the legs of those sheep they have over there in the U.K.

Nibbler will be locked in her cage until Mark can train her sufficiently so that she doesn't nibble off the legs of the dining room table. Several cords behind the big-screen TV in the living room are in danger, too. Mark sprayed all of them with a substance that supposedly tastes awful to dogs. But tonight, that didn't seem to stop Nibbler as she followed Mark and sniffed each area that he sprayed.

I'll be monitoring miscreant levels in the Baymeadows subdivision to chronicle any decline now that this new crime-fighting measure has been deployed.

But to be honest with you, I might feel safer outside this house. Now, the biggest danger is coming from within. I mean, look at her ...

Tongue ... has ... evil ... powers.